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Why Being Single In December Is Actually A Good Thing
00000E22 January 29, 2014 01:00 pmWhile we're based in North
America, AskMen has offices all over the
world. When they produce awesome content of
their own, sometimes we steal it. This article was originally published by AskMen UK -- so don't mind
the repeated references to "pubs," "flats"
and "gents," whatever those are. I LOVE Christmas. I love brandy
butter and bread sauce and roast potatoes. I love a cold Boxing Day buffet. I love
knackered family traditions that make no sense but would be sacrilege to break. I like
churches and good cheer and the Frank Sinatra Christmas album. I like sitting with a
highlighter pen and
flicking through the Radio Times on 21 December , mapping out the following week. I
like drinking an entire bottle of mint Baileys with my brother until we pass out on the
sofa at around two am Boxing Day morning. I love buying presents. I take an entire day out
and I dedicate it to Christmas cards. I am obsessed with David Bowie's duet with Bing
Crosby. I know the Muppet
Christmas Carol script off by heart. On particularly stressful days in high
summer, I listened to Chris Rea's Driving Home For Christmas on repeat. Couples like to hog Christmas; they like to think its theirs, what with all their
"checking in" at Winter Wonderland on Facebook and matching jumpers and Love
f*cking Actually, a demented film with 50 flimsy narrative strands that tries to
convince people that just about ANYTHING is better than being single, whether it's a
cheating husband or a fiancée who doesn't speak the same language as you. Well, I've got some news, guys. It's NOT yours, Actually. Actually, it's ours. I'm
sorry, but you get loads of festivities and Christmas is a brilliant holiday for us. It's
the very best time of year to be single and here are the reasons why.Bloody mad datesDecember is the best month for dating. Firstly,
there's a slightly Armageddon feeling about packing everything in before the year is over.
People become obsessed with seeing each other or catching up "before Christmas" as if none
of us are going to wake up on January 1st. Go to a club the Saturday night before
Christmas and the stench of musk and pheromones is dizzying. They're all there to squeeze
in one final hot fling before they get on a train to the arseendofnowhere-on-sea to spend
a week with their family. I call this type of fling "The Christmas Special" and I urge you
to commission one of your own this year. The mawkishness of Christmas also
washes all of December in fairy-lit romance, making very ordinary
dates feel really very magical . A few years ago I went on a date with a man who asked
me to meet him under a giant Christmas tree in Covent Garden at the stroke of midnight. If
a guy tried to pull this sort of charade off at any other time of year, I would have
thought he was a class A, card-carrying nutter, but for some reason I found the whole
thing enchanting, like we would be transported to the land of the sugar plum fairies. We
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weren't in the end, we just had a few beers, but it was good fun nonetheless. Not having to hang out with your partner's mates on New Year’s EveNew
Year's Eve is terrible. Always will be. Terrifically expensive, and so often
disappointing. They're particularly bad if you're in a relationship and forced to spend it
with your partner and all their friends. No matter how nice they are, they're just not
your mates and come midnight, you'll wish you were with your best friend, throwing each
other around a bit and singing Auld Lang Syne. Single New Year's Eves
with single friends are the best it's going to get. There's a fantastic camaraderie
between you all -- that no matter how terrible the evening gets, you're in it together.
You're going to tackle this dreadful night (and the following year) head-on,
side-by-side.
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| | What Does It Take For You To Ask A Woman Out? January 27, 2014 01:00 pmGot a question about anything millennial-related? Email Ian at theianlang@gmail.com . You should also follow him on
Twitter and like his page on Facebook . Hey man, I've read too little of what you wrote but
I understand that you can give some advice. My problem is with girls. I'm 18 years old and
I am afraid of talking to a girl. Now don't get me wrong, I can socialize with one and
talk on different subjects and have a normal conversation but if I like the girl I can
never ask her out. I'm afraid of being rejected and afraid of
being avoided by her after the rejection, that makes me get in the "friend zone.”
But that happens only because I am the nice guy, there to listen to every problem and help
them out whenever they want me to. I like being this way, because I think that's what
caring about someone means. And my question to you is not how to talk to a girl or how to
ask her out but rather how to get the courage to do it. I want to
ask you if you know a way of feeling more confident with myself. Like some sort of
exercise, something I can do to boost my courage (don't tell me to practice it on a real
situation since that's the thing I can't do). I want to wake up
one morning and get out there and ask that pretty girl out, of course I might be shaking
and sweating but at least I managed to do it. Also a tip on how to handle rejection and
the fact that after the rejection you might get avoided by that person (if you’ve
known her for some time). Long message, but I have no idea what
else to try and who to ask, also excuse my English as I am not a native
speaker. Thanks in advance, Sebastian Depending on who you cite as a source, Sebastian here, at 18, may not
qualify as a millennial in the strictest sense. I typically go by Strauss and Howe’s
taxonomy, which defines millennials as those born between 1982 and 2004, which would
include Sebastian. Even if you prefer the PwC/USC study that cuts it off at 1995, I think
we can all agree that there’s plenty of millennial-ness to Sebastian’s
email. For millennials, “confidence” has been
crammed down our throats our whole lives as a kind of magic bullet for whatever ails us.
Confidence and its cousin, self-esteem, have always been treated as means to an end,
rather than general indicators as to an individual’s overall well-being. Self-esteem
is actually the more maligned of the two, and wrongly so. Pundits like to deride the
“self-esteem training” of the '90s as the reason for the entitlement and
softness you see in many adult millennials, and that’s not really the case.
Self-esteem simply refers to the overall perception of one’s self, and I can’t
see how letting a kid know that he’s an alright fella is a bad thing. Confidence is an entirely different animal. Confidence is your ability to
successfully execute a given task -- or, more accurately, your belief in your ability to
execute said task. Obviously, that can vary from situation to situation. Sebastian, for
instance, lacks confidence when it comes to asking girls out, but is confident in his
ability to maintain platonic relationships. The problem with his question (and the concept
of confidence in general) is right there in his email: He’s not asking me how to
execute the task (asking a girl out), he’s asking me how he might go about getting
the “confidence” to do so. That’s the issue
with confidence, at least in the way it’s been applied to my generation since
childhood. When parents and teachers observed confidence in kids who were successful in
school and in life, they kind of messed up the correlation between the two. Assuming
confidence leads to success, they figured that the more confidence they could pump into
us, the more successful we would be. Of course it’s impossible to systematically
address confidence for every conceivable situation, and when you try to broaden
confidence, you just end up with more self-esteem building. And truthfully, that
isn’t an entirely bad thing. Higher self-esteem leads to higher courage, which is
the ability to attempt something for which you don’t have confidence. The truth that unravels the fallacy of confidence is that success breeds
confidence, not the other way around, the way our parents and teachers tried to thrust it
upon us. An NFL kicker is confident in his ability to make the PAT because he’s done
it successfully hundreds of times. He’s accordingly less confident in his chances of
making a 50-yard field goal, because he’s had less success from that range. The same
concept applies to talking to women. Guys who are confident asking a girl out feel that
way because they’ve successfully asked women out before. Every time someone says
“yes,” that confidence grows in lockstep. I should point out that, in
Sebastian’s case, no one really has that kind of confidence/experience at 18, so he
shouldn’t feel alone.
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| | Admit It: You Wish You Could Have A Threesome January 27, 2014 01:00 pmThe threesome has been the ultimate goal for most men since the beginning of time. OK,
perhaps that’s a stretch, but the idea of group sex (especially bringing in another
woman to join you and your significant lady) is a fantasy for most men. And why
wouldn’t it be? But if you want to kick the vanilla and see if you can manifest the
threesome for yourself, there are a few things to keep in mind. It
Takes A Certain Type This may seem painfully obvious, but threesomes are
not for everyone. If your girlfriend is the type of woman who
dreads experimenting with anal , fisting or anything that doesn’t involve the
dictionary’s definition of heterosexual intercourse, then she probably won’t
feel comfortable with the idea of bringing another party into your bedroom. Basically, you
have to use your common sense here and really think about the person you are with and how
a threesome might affect your relationship. Bringing a guest star into your relationship
for the night can have major repercussions -- and if there isn't a strong, established and
mutual respect and trust between you and your girlfriend, things will implode. If You Can’t Talk About It, You Can’t Do It One of
the most important rules of group sex is being able to openly discuss it. I remember a
friend of mine had been asked to join another couple for a threesome by the man when he
was drunk. My friend was into the idea, but wasn’t sure if it would affect her
friendship to the couple. I told her that she should just talk to both of them about it
before they engaged in anything and she replied that she just couldn’t do it -- for
the embarrassment factor. Stop. If you aren’t mature and confident enough to discuss
the threesome, then you definitely aren’t mature or confident enough to have one.
I’m not saying that the natural progression or spontaneity of an off-the-cuff orgy
should be halted by a round-table discussion and a PowerPoint presentation, but if you're
taking the route of planning this out, then you should be able to talk openly about it.
How To Bring It Up The best way to bridge the
conversation about having a threesome with your partner is not to just spring it while
drunk and horny at a party. Jealousy (which, as I have said in the past, is just
insecurity wearing a very ugly mask) is primed to flare up, and you have to tread with
caution. I suggest discussing your fantasies. Ask her if she has any sexual
fantasies she wants you to fulfill and then you can bring up yours. It’s
healthy, open discussion between partners that makes for the best sex. If you both
know what you want, you can aim to please one another. Maybe her fantasy is to do a little
DP with you and another man? You never know. You may have an interesting trade-off here,
but you won’t know unless you discuss. Use language that lets her know she is still
the main event: “I would love to see you with another woman.” The guest star
is the sidebar; this is about you and her and making your sex that much more interesting.
Make sure it’s very obvious that you want to see her happy as much as you want your
own fantasy to become a reality. Lover Beware All the
above aside, once the threesome actually happens, there are a few things that could result
during the experience and in the aftermath. Your
Jealousy: As much as you enjoy the thought in your head, if the two women
pay too much attention to one another and enjoy the experience as you sit idly by and
watch, you could get extremely jealous and start to mistrust your mate after it’s
all done. Over-thinking the experience as it’s happening can ruin things, and you
could potentially lose respect for her. Think about this beforehand.
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| | How Many Kids Should You Really Have? January 27, 2014 01:00 pmLet me quickly solve one of the great questions of life: How many children should you
have? Some parents of young ones secretly suspect that the optimal number is
zero. Soon after my twin boys were born, my sister called to ask how things were going.
“Well,” I said, probably splattered in vomit, but too exhausted to realize it,
“if anyone thought they were going to be in this phase forever, they’d have to
be a psycho to enjoy it.” I used to push the double stroller down the street, eyeing
the childless people sprawled in front of cafés with envy and rage.
It’s a feeling that Bryan Caplan, economist at George Mason University, must know.
The poor guy is also the father
of twins. As he writes in his book, Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids,
“moderate foresight tells you to stop having kids. If one infant makes you tired and
cranky, why have another?” Yet, Caplan goes on to say that moderate
foresight is wrong. You shouldn’t extrapolate from the present moment forever.
Today, he says, you might be living with “dirty diapers and lost sleep”. But
that won’t last forever. Instead of moderate foresight, you should try full foresight .
Rather than just obsessing about the next few years, you should work out how many kids you
will want at every future stage of your life. Caplan explains: Suppose
you’re 30. Selfishly speaking, you conclude that the most pleasant number of
children to have during your 30s is one. During your 40s, your optimal number of kids will
rise to two -- you’ll have more free time as your kids assert their independence. By
the time you’re in your 50s, all your kids will be busy with their own lives. At
this stage, wouldn’t it be nice to have four kids who periodically drop by? And so on. By your 60s, when you’ll probably have been forced out of work, you
may well wish you’d had five kids just to raise the frequency of visits and
grandchildren. And from your 70s onward, as you limp around in diapers rarely leaving the
house, the more kids you had, the greater chance you have of anyone dropping by, ever. Caplan’s point: Take the average of the number of children
that you’d want at the different ages of your life. In the above example, that
average is about three, which is good news for me. Five years ago, when I already had
three, my optimum number was one. Today my optimum is probably two. In other words,
I’m nicely progressing along Caplan’s schema. Then I read in the
paper about the Chinese film director Zhang Yimou, who has been fined $1.2 million for
breaking China’s one-child policy. And he broke it big-time: not only did he have
three kids with his wife Chen Ting, but Chinese reports online said he had fathered as
many as seven children with a variety of women -- a figure that Zhang denies. However,
this man is clearly pushing the Caplan theorem to the limit. If he lives to about 120, his
strategy may not even be entirely insane.
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| | Here's The Right Way To Date Online January 27, 2014 01:00 pmDear Ask Men, I was wondering if you could offer any wisdom on online personal ads.
I’m not having a great deal of luck so far. Specifically, my questions
are:1. How brief or detailed should your
descriptions of yourself and/or your ideal woman be?2.
When writing descriptions, should you stay away from trying to be funny? I’ve
noticed that humor often doesn’t translate well in written form.Always appreciated, J. Dear J,We’ve been doing this a long time and it’s amazing how many questions
we receive regarding tips about online
dating . If feels as though pursuing a relationship online is the more accepted way to
meet people these days. Even if two people do meet at a bar or at work, the courtship
immediately moves to the tech world (texting ,
emailing, Facebook chatting). With regards to specifically meeting women on
dating websites, we feel the best approach is oddly similar to scoring a new job -- treat
your dating
profile much as you would a professional resume. Always include a proper (and
flattering) photo, double-check your spelling and grammar, refrain from discussing
politics, religion, sex or any topic that would turn people off immediately, and unless
you’re a professional comic, keep the profile as serious as possible. Now,
we’re not advocating for the creation of the most snooze-inducing answers of all
time, but you said it yourself -- humor doesn’t always translate. Be
brief, but direct; brag about the areas in which you excel and omit any unattractive dating career
highlights ; and always act in a courteous manner to every potential connection. It’s fine to describe the type of woman you’re interested in dating,
but explaining your “ideal” woman in too much detail might keep a lot of women
from being interested or responding to your messages. If she doesn’t match all, or
any, of the traits you consider “ideal,” then why should she bother? Truth be
told, you could meet a woman tomorrow who matches none of your ideal traits, but if the
connection is there, you’re not goin
000039A1
g to care in the least about your checklist of
“must-haves.”
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| | Check Out The New Dating App That Puts The Date First January 27, 2014 01:00 pmIntroducing AskMen Dating -- Putting the Date First. AskMen has partnered with mobile dating app HowAboutWe to
launch AskMen Dating to get you offline, to the real date, the real
person, and the real moment more quickly. Sign up and take part in one of the easiest (and most fun) online dating
experiences around. The site asks the question for you: "How about we..." and you fill in
the blank with an idea for a date. It's free to sign up and post date ideas, and offers additional features for users
who sign up for a paid membership. HowAboutWe is such a great dating platform that it made it
easy for AskMen to partner with them on AskMen Dating. HowAboutWe has become one of the fastest-growing online dating
companies, recently surpassing 1.7 million users, and is now available in 15 languages
across 30 countries. If you’re
single and looking for something fun to do, don’t waste any more time and sign up right here. Get started with AskMen Dating today!
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| | It Turns Out There Are Such Things As The Laws Of Attraction January 27, 2014 01:00 pmReader's QuestionDear AskMen, I've met "the one " but
I'm having trouble making her realize this. I've been pursuing her for about five months
while she was away at college, but we kept in regular contact, at first through email and
then over the phone. I've gotten the sense she's very guarded about relationships. On a
couple occasions, it felt as though things were moving forward, only to have her
backpedal. She specifically said that she thought the relationship could have
evolved into something, but it hasn't, and she wasn't sure why. At this moment, she says
she doesn't believe it will. We remain close
friends . I've told her I'm going to pursue this. She wants to spend time together, but
only as friends. My question is this: Can you help me turn this relationship into
something more? Thanks, B. ResponseDear B., I'm saying the following as a pseudo-friend, given our circumstances, and as a man
that has lived through your exact situation more than a few times in my life. Forget her .
First, let's touch on the absurd concept of "the one." There are millions of
married people in the around the world. Imagine being able to ask them all the same
question -- "Are you married to 'the one?'" A majority will answer yes. The rest will
respond with a variation of no that sounds like "She was 'the one,' but things are
different now" or "I thought she was 'the one,' but I was wrong" or maybe even "I was
married to a woman I thought was 'the one,' but she wasn't, but now I'm married to 'the
one.'" Ask Larry King
and he'll tell you he's had seven different women in the role of "the one" in his
lifetime. I'm sorry to report to the millions of single men and women across
the world, and all the hopeless romantics, relationship experts, Nora Ephron junkies and
the single-and-searching -- but their concept of a soul mate, of one person made
specifically for them, is a fiction. If this were true, how would it be possible for
millions of people to meet “the one” specific to them alone? What the hell are
the odds? "I met the one! She also lives in Seattle and gets coffee at the Starbucks at
8:23 every morning! What great luck!"
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| | So You Finally Want Kids. But She Doesn't. Wait, What? January 27, 2014 01:00 pmWhat would you do if after several years dating you discovered that the love of your life
isn’t interested in children -- especially when you see a future as a family man? If
she’s more than content remaining a childless couple and not continuing the gene
pool, what options do you have? Do you stick with her and hope she changes her mind -- or
break things off? We look at the choices men should contemplate if dealing with this
important dilemma. How Soon Should You Discuss Kids?Some psychologists have
suggested discussing the issue of reproduction early on in a relationship. In one book,
the writer even advises raising the subject after just three dates. Dr. Helen Nightingale,
clinical psychologist and therapist in London, stresses that the subject is “one of
the most important life issues you’re ever going to face” and emphasizes the
need for a guy to do some serious thinking about what he wants in life. “Choosing whether you want to breed is probably one of the most serious life
issues you will ever deal with,” says Dr. Nightingale. “If marriage is in the
cards but it’s suddenly going to be no kids -- and you’re taken aback by that
-- then you obviously haven’t asked the right questions in terms of entering into a
relationship.” Dexter, 37, is facing such a scenario now.
“I’ve been with my girlfriend Tamsin for eight years. She’s a year older
and I feel the biological
clock is ticking away . At the moment she’s keen on marriage, but not on the idea
of having kids. I’m just hoping that she’ll come round to the idea. I love her
but want a family as well.” RisksDr. Petra Boynton, social
psychiatrist at University College London, believes that a guy should tread carefully when
airing his feelings from the start. “It could be quite off-putting to bring up the
issue so soon. Because whether you’re saying you want them or you never want to have
them, it’s saying to the person that you’re dating that you’re thinking
about this in relation to them. And that could scare them off.” Dr.
Boynton certainly doesn’t agree about having a set time to bring the issue up.
“If you’re saying on Date No. 3 that you never want to have kids, well,
that’s as full-on as saying that you would love to have kids.” Listen To Your PartnerSo imagine you’ve been dating for months and the
situation gets serious. The subject of children comes up over a drink, and she says she
has no intention of having
kids . What are the options that won’t necessarily mean finishing the
relationship? Dr. Boynton believes in talking honestly about the situation and the future
together.
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| | Are You Single Because You're Just Not Getting Noticed? January 27, 2014 01:00 pmDo you ever feel like the invisible man, only, y’know, without all the bandages and
the decidedly old-fashioned raincoat? Yes, us too. After all, whether we’re talking
about friends, colleagues or members of the fairer sex, we all like to get a little
attention from time to time. But it’s not always that easy to get noticed, so what
can the average guy do to stand out from the crowd? Join us as we consult the experts to
find out how to attract attention from the opposite sex. Why Is
Getting Noticed Important? If you want to make yourself a success,
you’re going to have to stand out from the crowd once in a while. Sure, being part
of the herd feels safe, but you’re going to have to stick your neck out to get
anywhere in life. Of course that’s easier said than done. Statistics from Match.com ’s Annual Survey of
Canadian Singles shows that 68% of men questioned would describe themselves as
‘introverted’ -- hardly the greatest starting point for meeting women. But
confidence breeds confidence, and if men want to attract more women, then they’re
going to have to do something about it. “Most men feel under appreciated
both at work and at home,” says relationship expert Nicole McCance . “They crave acknowledgement.
They want to feel important, that they are doing a good job and that they are needed. It
boils down to the survival of the fittest; men want to be the guy in the room that
everyone is looking at.” “Attention is like an ego-boosting
currency,” says pick-up artist Angel Donovan from Dating Skills Review .
“It nurtures and supports the ego and self esteem of those who get good measures of
it. It can make them feel and act more confident.” How To Get
Noticed More “One of the keys to getting noticed is to exude
confidence. Men tend to gravitate towards confident women and it’s not very
different the other way around.” says Kimberly Moffit, Match.com’s Canadian
relationship insider. “Simple changes in body language, like standing up straight,
uncrossing your arms and making eye contact will make a man appear more confident and
approachable.” “Smile!” advises Nicole McCance. “You
also won’t get noticed if you are hiding in the crowd. Put down your phone, and
notice the people around you. Start making eye contact. Approaching a woman is
the best way for her to notice you. There are so many wonderful men who are going home
single because they didn’t take the plunge and smile, walk up to a woman and
introduce themselves.” Making the first move should be a no-brainer for
any man. After all, how’s anyone going to notice you if you don’t take the
plunge? But it’s not all about the size of your social cojones; there are other
things you can do to help you stand out. Sprucing yourself up is certainly one of them.
Research from Match.com shows that poor hygiene is the biggest turnoff for 74% of women,
whilst a whopping 85% point to style as an important
trait in a mate. That doesn’t mean you have to rush out and buy an expensive suit,
however. In fact, the same survey showed that women preferred the casual look (57%). But
whether you’re dressed to the nines or wearing some jeans and a T-shirt, it’s
clear that first
impressions count; indeed, 46% of Canadian women say that they know within 15 minutes
if they are going to like a guy. It’s not all about how you look,
however; how you act is important too. “Fun attracts attention,” states Angel
Donovan. “So forget about trying to get noticed and remember that the more fun you
have, the more you get noticed.” Kimberly Moffit advises men to let go and try to be
them
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selves. “Be authentic,” she says. “Let your personality shine. Women
will pick up on your sincerity and want to get to know you.”
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| | Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? January 27, 2014 01:00 pmIt's long been believed that nice guys finish last -- especially when it comes to the
opposite sex. The
typical “bad boy” is a popular choice among even the most intelligent of
females, but the reason for a woman’s attraction to a guy who is so obviously good
for nothing but casual sex is often unfathomable, even to the woman herself.Bad boys come in many different forms, according to Lucia, a syndicated relationship
columnist and host of the The Art of Love. “Some bad boys are
players and are just interested in getting as many notches on their belt as
possible,” Lucia revealed. “Others want to date the woman but are too selfish,
immature or damaged in some way to be in a successful relationship. Finally, there are the
guys who are just not that into a woman.”So why are women constantly
attracted to men who just don’t seem like the type of man to eventually settle down
and raise a family? The blame could be her own biology betraying her.Born to Date
Bad?In 2012, a study by the University of Texas shed some light on the appeal of bad
boys. In a statement explaining the findings of their research, a university spokesperson
said that previous research has shown that in the week prior to ovulation, women become
attracted to “sexy, rebellious and handsome men” and this study hoped to
shed light on why this was the case. The researchers asked a group of women to
view online
dating profiles during periods of both high and low fertility. Some of the profiles
displayed the answers of attractive men with typical “bad boy” tendencies
while the remaining profiles featured average-looking men who would make for very reliable
partners. The women were asked to indicate the “expected paternal
contribution” from each of the men and how helpful each of the men would be in areas
such as “caring for the baby, shopping for food, cooking and contributing to
household chores.” The closer to ovulation the women were, the more they thought
that the “bad boy” would make a better domestic partner.While
science is a good indicator of behavior, psychology is usually involved as well. Lucia
feels the female attraction to bad boys is best explained by the same human response that
keeps Vegas casinos in business. The term is positive partial reinforcement, or PPR,
and it’s a psychological reaction where the reward is not granted every time the
desired action is taken. PPR is the cornerstone of places like Las Vegas and other
casinos. People gamble because they’re rewarded at random intervals. If they were
never rewarded, there would be no reason to gamble and if they were always rewarded, they
would get bored of constantly winning. PPR is the calling card of a bad boy.
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| | Are You In A Manipulative Relationship? January 27, 2014 01:00 pmHaving influence over another individual in a relationship isn’t always a bad thing.
For example, a woman can have a positive effect on her partner in the areas of health,
hygiene and overall appearance. She may influence her partner to make smarter nutritional
choices, incorporate skincare products into his morning routine and buy clothing that
accentuates his build and stature. There is, however, a fine line between
influence and psychological manipulation. Psychological manipulation aims to change the
behavior of another individual using devious, deceptive or sometimes even abusive tactics.
Oftentimes, manipulative behavior can initially appear to be something
positive, and is mistaken for another attribute, such as assertiveness.“Assertiveness is a kind of strident independence and open voice,” reveals
Dr. Wendy Walsh, relationship expert and author of The 30-Day Love
Detox . Manipulation is using tactics to get you to do something you
don’t want to do. It may involve subtle threats of abandonment or playing the victim
card. People who are good communicators don’t need to use manipulative tactics. They
can easily explain their feelings and negotiate compromises.While it’s
difficult to describe specific manipulative behavior in a partner, it’s never too
late to try to affect some positive changes. Here are some tips on how to determine if
you’re involved with a manipulative partner, the best reactions to manipulative
behavior, the power of one simple word and signs that it might be best to end a
manipulative relationship. How To Recognize Manipulative BehaviorThe
signs of manipulation aren’t always easy to spot, especially early on in a
relationship. Also, it’s not always obvious you’re being manipulated. It may
just feel like you’re doing things to make your partner happy, even if those
requests make you unhappy. A popular manipulative ploy is passive-aggressive
behavior. “Passive aggressive behavior is when someone’s actions
don’t match their words.” explains Dr. Walsh. “For instance, she says
she doesn’t mind you having boy’s nights out, but every time you do, she has a
sudden personal emergency complete with tears that needs your undivided
attention.”Now, it is possible that there could be an actual issue, but
if a pattern develops that constantly disrupts any plans that don’t involve her,
she’s probably being manipulative. Interactions with a manipulator often
leave others feeling obligated and guilty -- to downright scared -- not do what is asked
of them. A manipulator uses other tactics, besides passive-aggressive behavior, to elicit
these feelings. Common warning signs or “tricks” include: the use of tears to
get their way, an excessive use of charm, a heavy dose of guilt if things don’t
favor the manipulator, and flat-out lying just to get what they want in any situation.
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| | 5 Things Men Need To Learn About Women January 27, 2014 01:00 pmThis post was originally published on James Michael Sama's blog .He is a writer, blogger, social media marketer and
on air/live event host based in Boston, Mass.Sure, we have all met
some women who seem to be more complicated than Chinese algebra. Even the famous Oscar
Wilde remarked: Women are meant to be loved, not understood.But, I do think
that as men, we over-complicate women because we expect them to be just like us.
It’s natural for anyone to project their own qualities onto others and become
confused when they don’t fit the mold, but once we step outside of ourselves and see
people as they are, and not as we are, our vision becomes clearer.It
doesn’t matter what you say, it matters how she feels.A woman’s honesty
to herself is unparalleled, because her self-esteem is rooted where it should be, in
herself. You can call her beautiful or sexy or gorgeous every single day, but if she
doesn’t feel it, it won’t get through to her.You need to make her
feel all of these things, and more. In fact, what you don’t say usually matters more
than what you do say. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words.You
work on logic, she works on emotion.This is not to say that women are illogical or
don’t use logic in every day situations -- often their thoughts and ideas are better
articulated than their male counterparts'. The point I’m trying to make here is that
a woman’s emotions will influence her actions more than a man’s would for
him.As men, society teaches us to keep our feelings hidden, so we don’t
acknowledge them as much, and therefore don’t act on them as women do.It
has always been seen as a negative for a man to be in touch with his ‘feminine
side,’ but when people say this, they’re typically referring to someone who is
more in touch with his own emotions. Women will naturally gravitate closer to men like
this, because they feel they will be better understood.(Hint: Women, this also
means if you want your man to know how you feel about something, you need to tell him. He
may not be able to read it on his own).Women don’t
compartmentalize.Meaning, if a man has a bad day at work, he can come home, give his
woman a kiss, pour himself a drink, and (usually) unwind -- blocking out the stress until
the next day (assuming his work doesn’t come home with him).If a woman
has a bad day, it will affect her mood, and her interactions. This is exactly the time
when men need to shut up and not tell her to ‘get over it’ or that it’s
‘not a big deal’ because these things stay fresh in her mind. Be
understanding, be comforting, and she will feel better.What women want
isn’t that complicated.It’s always a mystery what women want in a
relationship… or is it?Believe it or not, gentlemen, women are humans
too.This means they crave the same things that you do, deep down, but probably won’t
admit.They want to be loved, respected, trusted, and adored. They want you to
listen, at least make an attempt to understand, and help where you can. They’re not
nearly as complicated as you think -- so don’t make it worse than it is.She is more afraid of rejection than you are.I know man, trust me. I’ve
been rejected probably more than the average guy. I know how much it sucks and how hard it
is to put all of that risk on the table when approaching a woman.But, a
woman’s desire is to be desired. Every societal norm, whether you agree with it or
not, shows her that she is to be pursued.Are you waiting for her to make the
first move? Stop.Can you imagine the blow to self-esteem when you are the
object of desire, being made to feel undesirable?
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| | What To Get Your Girlfriend For The Hol
00004000
idays January 22, 2014 01:00 pmThe time of year has once again come when men must open their hearts and wallets to
express how much they love and care for their significant others. Whether you like it or
not, you need to get your girl something, and, lucky for you, we've gone and done the
legwork to find a range of gifts that will satisfy even the most fickle of femmes.But what if you've only been dating for two weeks -- should you get her jewelry?
And if you've been together for over a year, how much money is enough to show her you love
her?All these questions will soon be answered, as we took the liberty of
compiling a list of gifts for different stages in
a relationship .Cold Picnic WatchDesigned by a husband-and-wife duo in Brooklyn, Cold
Picnic's watches are like no other with their natural leather straps lathered with bright
paint, adding pops of color to the watches' minimalist design. No one will have one just
like it.$110 at
Need Supply Co. Comme Des Garçons WalletA great accessory always goes a long way,
especially if it's Comme Des Garcons. No but really, a great wallet like this one , with it's rich red and
luxury design, is something she'll be able to keep for a long time.%displayPrice% at %seller% Michael
Kors WatchMichael Kors continuously nails it with his women's line of watches with a mix of
statement pieces and more classic models. This one leans more on the classic side with its simple
chronograph dial, yet oozes luxury styles with the combination of dark royal blue, gold
and silver.%displayPrice% at %seller% Giles
& Bro. Archer BangleGiles & Bro.'s Archer Bangle, much like Miansai's
cuff, will go great with anything and yet, is a standout piece with its unique links and
simple design. It's a piece she'll be wearing everyday, with everything. %displayPrice% at %seller% Fujifilm XF1
CamerasAnother product that joins fashion and technology,
Fujifilm's new XF1 compact camera
takes cues from vintage cameras while packing in a ton of features.%displayPrice%at %seller%
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| | What To Get Your Girlfriend For The Hol
00000B08
idays January 20, 2014 01:00 pmThe time of year has once again come when men must open their hearts and wallets to
express how much they love and care for their significant others. Whether you like it or
not, you need to get your girl something, and, lucky for you, we've gone and done the
legwork to find a range of gifts that will satisfy even the most fickle of femmes.But what if you've only been dating for two weeks -- should you get her jewelry?
And if you've been together for over a year, how much money is enough to show her you love
her?All these questions will soon be answered, as we took the liberty of
compiling a list of gifts for different stages in
a relationship .Cold Picnic WatchDesigned by a husband-and-wife duo in Brooklyn, Cold
Picnic's watches are like no other with their natural leather straps lathered with bright
paint, adding pops of color to the watches' minimalist design. No one will have one just
like it.$110 at
Need Supply Co. Comme Des Garçons WalletA great accessory always goes a long way,
especially if it's Comme Des Garcons. No but really, a great wallet like this one , with it's rich red and
luxury design, is something she'll be able to keep for a long time.%displayPrice% at %seller% Michael
Kors WatchMichael Kors continuously nails it with his women's line of watches with a mix of
statement pieces and more classic models. This one leans more on the classic side with its simple
chronograph dial, yet oozes luxury styles with the combination of dark royal blue, gold
and silver.%displayPrice% at %seller% Giles
& Bro. Archer BangleGiles & Bro.'s Archer Bangle, much like Miansai's
cuff, will go great with anything and yet, is a standout piece with its unique links and
simple design. It's a piece she'll be wearing everyday, with everything. %displayPrice% at %seller% Fujifil
000020FC
m XF1
CamerasAnother product that joins fashion and technology,
Fujifilm's new XF1 compact camera
takes cues from vintage cameras while packing in a ton of features.%displayPrice%at %seller%
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| | Yes, It's True. Dating Is Over. So What's Next? December 28, 2013 01:00 pmI had more sex in 2013 than I have ever had in any year prior. Looking back as this year
winds down, I have learned something new that has fundamentally changed the way I'm going
to pursue a relationship in the next year. I didn't date. I hung out. I showed up. I went
out. I paid attention. I never thought I would say this, but dating as I knew it may, in
fact, be over -- no matter how old you are. But the good news, is that does
not mean romance is over. It just means it's found wandering down a path that
differs from the one laid out by the likes of Matthew McConaughey and Hugh Grant
throughout a slew of cheesy 'rom-coms.' The formula of a "meet cute," followed by date,
followed by potential pitfall, then sex and ultimately grand realization of love is not
quite how things work. Their playbook is a myth and I am done believing it.Look. -- I'm a romantic. Not long ago, I still held on to some pretty traditional
notions of dating. Pick a girl up, take her to dinner and do all the things you would
likely have seen in some '90s romantic comedy. Given my passion for happy endings and
Christmas movies, this seemed like the right route; and it did lead to some fun and,
ultimately, some relationships. But like anything else in the world of social interaction,
things change and we start seeing new personalities emerge and new trends in behavior. You
have to adapt if you want to stay in the game. So this year, I adapted.Earlier
this year, I started my dating path with conventional dates with a few contenders. I went
through the motions and I began the whole endeavor with that same "classic" dating vibe.
Not long into the second date each time, something started to become clear. This was a
rare occurrence for her. The fact that I had picked her up and chosen the
restaurant, opened the door for her at every pass and paid the bill made her feel like
this was the beginning of a unique courtship. It made her feel so special that the
spontaneous casual nature of any date flew right out the window -- along with the cash in
my wallet for dinners. I was surprised to see her reading so much into a second date with
a lovely meal as more than just "dating." Then I realized she was 100% right. These were
grand gestures, by today's standards.I hated to admit it, but my traditional
ways of dating had started to become so unheard-of in my circles that, whereas at first I
wore it as a badge of honor, I started to see that I was overdoing it. Between all the new
ways that men and women meet, following up with the proverbial "date" began to carry a
slight "knight-in-shining-armor" vibe about it. And I am no knight. I am not sure what the
hell I want yet, but I do love the company of fun and sexy women. I realized I needed to
shift gears if I wanted to enjoy their company without purporting that I was beginning a
grand romance from the get-go.
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| | You're Evolving, Right? Then Why Does She Miss The Old You? December 28, 2013 01:00 pmMen in long-term relationships and marriages ,
this one's for you. Take a moment to look back at those long-ago days when you first got
together with your wife or girlfriend. You were both younger, maybe you weighed less,
maybe you had more hair. "She was hot back then!" you think to yourself, with
satisfaction. "She's still hot," you remind yourself, acknowledging that she might not
necessarily be hot in the same way, but still. What was it like back then? "We
went out more," you recall. "We used to go out big! Remember that one birthday of mine?
Holy sh*t, that was crazy. We ended up walking all the way home at dawn 'cause we couldn't
find a cab. And she was barefoot because she got tired of walking in heels. SO MANY
Jägerbombs that night, good God." Ah, memories. She has
memories, too. Ever wonder what they're like? She remembers the same events as you do, but
she probably remembers them a little differently. The main difference is probably you.
You've changed, pal! You both have, sure. But there are things about the old you that she
misses, and she's probably too considerate to tell you about them. She might not even
think about them very often. But as we all know, the best husbands and boyfriends are
mind-readers, so here's your cheat sheet.
You Wanted To Spend Time With Her Before Anyone Else
In the early days of your relationship, time with your lady was your top priority, because
things were fresh and exciting and you were very likely to get a blowjob at reasonably
regular intervals. In terms of competing with your friends, she won, every time. Years
later, that is no longer true. It makes sense; you live together. You brush your teeth
beside her every morning in the bathroom mirror. But there are times when she misses the
feeling of being the person at the pinnacle of your social pyramid. For proof, just once
make a show of blowing off an opportunity to hang out with your buddies and ask her if
she'd like to do something one-on-one. She will love it. You will have conjured the old
you from the mists of time, and she will think you're a magician.
You Lectured Less
What, me lecture? Why The Kia Sportage Was A Wise And Cunning Purchase. Why Everyone Was
Mad At Lance Armstrong For The Wrong Reasons. Why Vinyl Siding Is A Horrible Building
Material For Your Geographic Region. Why Being An Eagles Fan Is Fundamentally Different
Than Being A Falcons Fan, Parts 1 Through 4. "That's called talking!" you protest. Yes,
it's you talking, and she's listening. Or is she? Does it matter? Haha,
that's a joke -- or course it matters! The difference between lecturing and conversing is
that in a conversation ,
each person's point of view is sought and a friendly debate ensues. After a bunch of years
together, you probably think you already know her opinion on most things. And maybe you
do! But sometimes a mysterious thing happens over the course of a conversation, an
alchemical reaction wherein someone's thoughts evolve and they say something unexpected --
it may surprise even them. As long as you're the only one talking, that's never
going to happen. Ask her what she thinks next time! Again, the old you, all hot and young,
will appear before her eyes. She'll probably get flustered.
You Made Fewer Nighttime Noises
This one's pretty straightforward, and, unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do
about it -- at least not that I know of. This is one of those times when she's just going
to have to suck it up, and she knows this, but it won't make her stop daydreaming about
the days before she knew about the other definition of "Dutch oven."
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| | Get Out Of Your Manipulative Relationship December 28, 2013 01:00 pmHaving influence over another individual in a relationship isn’t always a bad thing.
For example, a woman can have a positive effect on her partner in the areas of health,
hygiene and overall appearance. She may influence her partner to make smarter nutritional
choices, incorporate skin care products into his morning routine and buy clothing that
accentuate his build and stature. There is, however, a fine line between
influence and psychological manipulation. Psychological manipulation aims to change the
behavior of another individual using devious, deceptive, or sometimes even abusive
tactics. Often times, manipulative behavior appears as if it’s something
positive, ans id mistaken for another attribute such as assertiveness.“Assertiveness is a kind of strident independence and open voice,” reveals
Dr. Wendy Walsh, relationship expert and author of The 30-Day Love Detox
Manipulation is using tactics to get you to do something you don’t want to do.
It may involve subtle threats of abandonment or playing the victim card. People who are
good communicators don’t need to use manipulative tactics. They can easily explain
their feelings and negotiate compromises.While it’s difficult to
describe specific manipulative behavior in a partner, it’s never too late to try to
affect some positive changes. Here are some tips on how to determine if you’re
involved with a manipulative partner, the best reactions to manipulative behavior, the
power of one simple word and signs that it might be best to end a manipulative
relationship. How To Recognize Manipulative BehaviorThe signs of
manipulation aren’t always easy to spot, especially early on in a relationship.
Also, it’s not always obvious you’re being manipulated. It may just feel like
you’re doing things to make your partner happy, even if those requests make you
unhappy. A popular manipulative ploy is passive-aggressive behavior. “Passive aggressive behavior is when someone’s actions don’t match
their words.” explains Dr. Walsh. “For instance, she says she doesn’t
mind you having boy’s nights out, but every time you do, she has a sudden personal
emergency complete with tears that needs your undivided attention.”Now,
it is possible that there could be an actual issue, but if a pattern develops that
constantly disrupts any plans that don’t involve her, she’s being
manipulative. Interactions with a manipulator often leaves others feeling
obligated and guilty to downright scared to not do what is asked of them. A manipulator
uses other tactics, besides passive-aggressive behavior, to elicit these feelings. Common
warning signs or “tricks” include -- the use of tears to get their way, an
excessive use of charm, a heavy dose of guilt if things don’t favor the manipulator
and flat-out lying just to get what they want in any situation.
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| | Things Have Worked Out Well So Far. But Is She A Keeper? December 28, 2013 01:00 pmHow do you know if a woman is “the
one”? From Dear Abby to Dan Savage, this question is asked so often, and by so
many generations of men, there should be an easy answer by now. Unfortunately, there
isn’t a simple answer to anything in life, but there are ways (sometimes several) to
decipher if the woman you’re dating is a keeper.These are not tests
she’ll unknowingly take and there is no trickery involved
like waiting to see if she offers to pay on the first date or judging her based on what
she orders on a date. These also aren’t physical attributes -- like an amazing body
or perfect smile. These are unquestionable signs that this woman is the person you want
around for the better and for the worse.From her demeanor when no one is
around to her reaction to your obsession with fantasy sports or obsession with RPGs, these
are questions to ask yourself about the woman you’re dating. You may know the
answers to some of these questions without even reading the description, which is great
for her, but even better for you. You may need to really think about the answer to some of
these questions. Take your time to consider if she’s really the one -- this is not a
decision to be made in haste.Here are five ways to figure out if she’s a
keeper:Does She Understand Your Inner Circle?There is a common myth in dating that a woman must get along with
your family and friends to be “the one.” This just isn’t the case.
She doesn’t have to be loved by all and love everyone in your life -- they just all
have to get along. She doesn’t have to be a best friend to your best friend, she
only has to understand your bond. Her and mom don’t have to text message every day
to swap stories, they just have to get through dinner without stabbing each other with
dull butter knives.If she respects your bond with friends and family, gets
along with some, but doesn’t quite connect with others, it’s fine. The only
real connection to concern yourself with is between the two of you.Does She Encourage Your Interests, Even If She Doesn’t Get Them?Every year, you and friends gather to do what men will do -- whether
it’s canoeing down a river to camp for a weekend or dressing up like the cast of
Watchmen and road-tripping around to Comic-Con. If she’s also interested in
fantasy baseball or keeping a sketch journal of all the food you eat, that’s
fantastic. However, if these interests aren’t
in her wheelhouse, but she encourages you to be passionate about creative endeavors,
she’s a perfect fit. It’s fine if she doesn’t understand, and it’s
also acceptable if she doesn’t really want to understand, just so long as she
doesn’t discourage those interests for any reason.
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| | What Worries You The Most About Having Kids? December 28, 2013 01:00 pmBecoming a parent is one of few things in life that can bring unbridled joy to just
about anyone. However, some parents -- probably more than we know -- are actually
terrified about becoming parents for the first time. Here at AskMen, we wanted to know
exactly how our readers felt about the possibility of becoming a new parent, so we asked:
What worries you the most about having kids? Here are a few of the best answers for
you.Having Kids // //
Having Kids Facebook
Post by AskMen.com .
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| | Why Your Kids Will Always Be Happier Than You December 28, 2013 01:00 pmMy 7-year-old daughter now gets a daily newspaper delivered. It’s written for kids,
undoubtedly subsidized by the French state, and every evening when I walk into our Paris
apartment she shouts at me, “Did you get my paper from the mailbox?!” If
I’ve remembered, she grabs it from my hand and does a celebratory war dance around
the kitchen. I mean, I like newspapers too, but my pleasure at getting hold of them
isn’t quite so unconfined. Or take my 5-year-old son. When I collect him from tennis
class, before I can even say hello, he bursts straight into a minutes-long monologue along
the lines of, “And it was ten-ten and den I won and da coach said I won!” What bewilders me, in both cases, is their sheer joy. It’s like a cocaine
high. I remember feeling it as a child. I can see myself as an 8-year-old, waiting outside
the soccer ground with all my teammates and our poor dads at 7:50 a.m. on a freezing
Saturday, all of us (except the dads) rattling the gates impatiently until that blissful
moment when the grumpy old janitor would come limping out of his house and unlock the
gates of paradise. Then we’d play a game, and sometimes I’d score. Decades
later, I can still remember some of those goals as vividly as if I were watching them now
on YouTube. It’s not only childish joy that you can never recapture as
an adult. It’s also childish pain. Shortly before his death in 2008, the
curmudgeonly old English playwright Simon Gray published the final volume of his
“Smoking Diaries,” The Last Cigarette. It recounts the time he was lying in
bed in his dormitory at boarding school aged 9, being lectured by a teacher for having
peed on the toilet seat and floor. Every other boy in the dorm was listening. Gray felt
shame. Now, as an elderly playwright in New York, a different incident has made him feel
shame again. But, he writes: "I’m not saying that I felt last night
as I felt 60-odd years ago when I hid under the bedclothes, in fact the fact is that
though I can identify such feelings, mortification, embarrassment, etc., they’re not
really feelings in the old sense of the word, in the days when I had feelings I could
feel, they’re more like reminiscences of feelings, they’re so faint and
thinned out, and I cared far more about having my cigarette than I did about my
shame." That’s right. From middle age onward, most of us
don’t have feelings anymore. Reminiscences of feelings are about the best we can
manage. The closest I usually get to joy these days is a sense of vague contentment, or
painlessness, e.g. when I’m alone in a café with a coffee and a newspaper and
nobody is crying or shouting at me. There’s an obvious policy lesson for
parents here. Since children’s feelings -- of both pleasure and pain -- are so much
stronger than ours, we should prioritize them over our own. They are people, and we are
shadows.
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| | The Dos And Don'ts Of Being In A Relationship In Your 20s December 28, 2013 01:00 pmThis article was originally published on Elite Daily .Congratulations! You have
successfully navigated through the treacherous waters of dating and are now in a
full-fledged relationship. You have accomplished something so few were able to before you.
Now that you have managed to get yourself into a relationship, you can’t help but
think: Now what?Are things going to change now that you are officially dating?
Should they change? Or should you keep acting the same way you have been? The biggest
mistake people make when entering into new relationships is letting the pressure of a new
title get to their heads. Think about it. Literally nothing has changed except you now
refer to each other as girlfriend or boyfriend.Chances are before you decided
to make it official, people around you figured you were dating anyway. Don’t fall
into t
000028D0
his trap and self-sabotage your own relationship.How do you know what
you should and should not be doing? Take a look below.Do: Have Date
NightIt’s easy to get caught up with your social scene, but you need to
remember you are also in a relationship. You don’t need to be going out every single
night and blacking out if you have a boy/girlfriend.This is just another
benefit of being in a relationship -- you always have someone else to do something else
with. You are going to be able to spend a lot more quality time when the setting is just
the two of you as opposed to a huge group at a bar.Don’t: Bombard Social
Media With Your PhotosGag me. If you were so secure in your relationship, why do you
need to flaunt it on every social media platform?The truth is that no one
cares about your romantic getaway or the kissy faces you two are making at each other. Do
everyone a favor and just keep those pictures on your nightstand. Do: Split
The CheckIf you are in a full-fledged relationship, the obligation of the guy paying
for every meal can go right out the window. You are in an equal partnership, so it’s
okay to split the check or take turns alternating who is going to pay the bill.It’s nice to switch it up and it more than alleviates some of the guy’s
responsibility. Remember you’re both young and you’ve both got bills to pay!
Don’t: Text Their FriendsThis is just creepy and weird and may even
be considered crossing the line. This just looks sketchy on your part. The only time this
is even acceptable is if it’s about buying your significant other a gift or planning
a special date. There’s no reason to engage in petty banter -- remember these are
their friends, not yours.Do: Be Honest About Your IntentionsIf you
don’t see a future with this person, you need to be upfront and honest about it. The
worst thing you can do is get into a relationship with someone you have no intentions of
taking seriously.Don’t just get into a partnership for the sake of it.
If that is what you’re doing, fine, but you need to tell the other person.
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| | Are You Settling Because You're Afraid Of Being Alone? December 28, 2013 01:00 pmWe all know the holiday season can be lonely if you aren’t coupled up. If
you’re not following these simple
tricks , you might have grabbed someone just because you think it’s better than
being alone. Bad idea. But now, at least, science has given you an excuse. Researchers from the University of Toronto concluded in the December edition of the
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that “fear of being single is
a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships.” The anxiety, concern
and distress associated with being alone causes us to cave on our standards and go for
people that aren’t good for us. And that doesn’t mean you should be holding
out for Megan
Fox or Bar
Refaeli (you can vote for your favorite celebri-lady here ). The study interviewed men and women aged 18 to 59 in all types of relationship
situations. Researchers put the respondents through a series of tests to create a
“Fear of Being Single Scale” that allowed the scientists to measure men and
women’s relationship fears contrasted with their idea of an ideal mate. Higher
scores on the Fear of Being Single scale predicted greater dependence on less satisfying
relationships. Those who scored highest tended to have low self-esteem and were overly
anxious. “Anxious attachment tends to be marked by chronic neediness and clinginess
with attachment figures and chronic fear of rebuff and rejection,” explains the
study’s authors. You’re not that guy, are you?Originally,
the myth was that women were more motivated by loneliness to date or marry people they
don’t really like, but now we have proof that men do the same thing.
“Loneliness is a painful experience for both men and women, so it’s not
surprising that the fear of being single seems not to discriminate on the basis of
gender,” said co-author Geoff MacDonald to the Huffington Post .One of the major reasons being
single is so rough today is due to our society’s way of shaming those who
don’t get married -- something that works, judging by the still-very-high number of
marriages today. But don’t forget, being single can
be pretty great . Although the study was the first quantified study of its
kind, we all probably saw this coming. Relationship specialist Dr. J.R. Bruns, M.D.,
co-author of The Tiger Woods Syndrome, a book about repairing relationships,
explained in Psychology Today that men sometimes settle for women who do
things like put them on “short leashes” because they are obsessed with not
being alone and also because they just want to be in a sexual relationship. Men
“bury their needs, feelings and goals to accommodate their mate's,” writes
Bruns. “They surrender unconditionally due to their natural desire for sex and their
fear of being alone. They would rather be in a poor relationship than no
relationship.”So before you think about settling, value your own needs
and -- to quote The 40 Year-Old Virgin -- don't put her "on a
pedestal.” It's one thing to accommodate your mate, but you should never give up
doing what you like and acting like yourself just to avoid that feeling of loneliness.If she’s not right for you, just move on. Wasting your time in a
relationship that doesn't make you feel truly happy is only going to hurt both of you.
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| | Is A Toy Really Going To Replace You In Her Bed? December 28, 2013 01:00 pmAbove is the exclusive first look at Promescent's hilarious commercial, directed by
Greg Grunberg. Our writer, Bobby Box, tried out Promescent and other sex products -- he
kindly volunteered, in the name of journalism, to have lots and lots of sex so he could
report back about the best products to enhance your sexual experiences. Thank you, Bobby.
Read on for his experiences.This month, I received several packages from
the most reputable sex toy companies around the world. This was so I could recommend the
best of the best for both you and your partner on behalf of AskMen, which I had absolutely
no qualms about doing. The following is my sexual Toy Story. Which, like the
Disney feature, stars a Woody (mine) -- and several buzzes, for that matter.Prior to this month of sexual enlightenment, I had never used a sex toy . Nor did I have the
desire to. To me, they were a threat -- a rubber substitute to my package (a classic
battle of man vs. machine). I felt as though these ergonomic sex-machines would one day
replace the man, rendering him sexually redundant; where he would be eternally banished to
a world of solo masturbation, never able to procreate. However, it seems as
though men are slowly beginning to embrace the idea of bringing products into the bedroom
without feeling threatened, as detailed by a study by Trojan
condoms . Nearly half (44%) of the men surveyed reported incorporating a sex toy in
their lives; 10% having done so in the past month, 14% in the past year, and 20% using one
over a year ago. Men who had more recently dabbled in sex toy usage noticed some serious
benefits as well, reporting higher scores in sexual function, intercourse satisfaction,
orgasmic function, and sexual desire. After reading this, it became clear that I was
missing out.And The Journey Began…I would unwrap each delivery
with the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas. After inquisitively inspecting each toy, I
would read the instructions for proper usage. Then I would turn on each device and watch
them work on their own. I’d smirk while doing so; the whole idea was both ridiculous
and funny to me. This was a new experience that I still wasn’t entirely comfortable
with. My next mission was to find a willing sexual partner for the experiment.
Luckily I had met someone through a friend a few weeks prior with whom I had established a
sexual relat
00000A72
ionship. She had a birthday coming up, and all she wanted from me was some
no-strings-attached birthday sex, to which I immediately complied. It was her party, and
we’d have sex if she wanted to, if you will. I told her about my sex-toy experiment
and asked if she’d be interested in testing out some products with me. Guess what?
She said yes.While out for her birthday, it didn’t take long for us to
ditch the bar. After a few hours, we were itching to peel off each other’s clothes
and have some fun, so we headed home – and I had my backpack of toys in hand.Once we got to her place, I revealed my newly acquired collection of toys. My
heart pounded as I anticipated her reaction. She knew I'd brought them, but had no idea
which products I’d received. The alcohol certainly helped ease my anxiety, but I was
still nervous.To my surprise, she excitedly inspected the bag, turning a few
of the toys on and off. After the inspection, she settled on the JimmyJane Form 2 . She
thought it was cute -- and it actually is. It resembles a cartoonish bunny head (or molar
-- but that’s far less sexy). Not intimidating at all. We were off to a good start.
I grabbed the palm-sized device and used it as instructed. The tiny figurine struck her
loins like a jackhammer. Within minutes, I noticed her legs tense up -- her body
immediately reacted as I increased its vibration. The toy was relatively quiet. She was
not. As we continued, I became more and more comfortable, but it was incremental.
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| | How To Dust Yourself Off And Try Again After A Tough Break December 28, 2013 01:00 pm“The breakup hit me like a ton of bricks,” men will claim after the
dissolution of a romantic relationship.Though the feelings are quite similar,
claiming a breakup “hit like a ton of bricks” is an inaccurate analogy.
Physical injury at the hands of bricks
000010FB
isn’t a common occurrence, unless it’s
a hazard of your occupation or you’re Wile E. Coyote.The unlucky
individual never sees the ton of bricks coming, until it's too late, while most failed
relationships are on the brink of collapse for a long time.The destruction of most
relationships is a much slower process -- the bricks are removed one by one -- until the
entire structure comes tumbling down.While it’s not always possible to
prepare for a breakup, there are ways to soften the blow and manage the painful months
that follow. Here are some tips to getting over an agonizing separation.Think It
Through, But Don’t Obsess Over ItIt’s completely healthy, and natural, to
replay the relationship repeatedly in your mind, but you should try to keep your emotions
in check.“Thinking it
through might mean understanding your role in the relationship and the breakup,”
explains Dr. Susan K. Whitbourne, a professor of psychology at the University of
Massachusetts Amherst, and author of the Psychology Today blog “Fulfillment
at Any Age.” It might also mean that you try to get your emotions under control.
When people go through a breakup, they let their emotions get out of control, and the
process becomes much more painful and difficult.”Thinking back on the
failed relationship always brings the finger of blame. You blame yourself. Or you blame
the other person. But it’s not healthy to place all of the blame on one person or
the other. If she were completely responsible for everything toxic in the relationship,
wouldn’t you have been the person initiating the break-up?It’s
important to think about what happened but, over time, it’s imperative that you stop
dwelling on mistakes of the past and allow yourself to continue living your life, so you
can have new emotional experiences and make new memories.
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| | Why Being Single In December Is Actually A Good Thing December 28, 2013 01:00 pmWhile we're based in North
America, AskMen has offices all over the
world. When they produce awesome content of
their own, sometimes we steal it. This article was originally published by AskMen UK -- so don't mind
the repeated references to "pubs," "flats"
and "gents," whatever those are. I LOVE Christmas. I love brandy
butter and bread sauce and roast potatoes. I love a cold Boxing Day buffet. I love
knackered family traditions that make no sense but would be sacrilege to break. I like
churches and good cheer and the Frank Sinatra Christmas album. I like sitting with a
highlighter pen and
flicking through the Radio Times on 21 December , mapping out the following week. I
like drinking an entire bottle of mint Baileys with my brother until we pass out on the
sofa at around two am Boxing Day morning. I love buying presents. I take an entire day out
and I dedicate it to Christmas cards. I am obsessed with David Bowie's duet with Bing
Crosby. I know the Muppet
Christmas Carol script off by heart. On particularly stressful days in high
summer, I listened to Chris Rea's Driving Home For Christmas on repeat. Couples like to hog Christmas; they like to think its theirs, what with all their
"checking in" at Winter Wonderland on Facebook and matching jumpers and
00001FFF
Love
f*cking Actually, a demented film with 50 flimsy narrative strands that tries to
convince people that just about ANYTHING is better than being single, whether it's a
cheating husband or a fiancée who doesn't speak the same language as you. Well, I've got some news, guys. It's NOT yours, Actually. Actually, it's ours. I'm
sorry, but you get loads of festivities and Christmas is a brilliant holiday for us. It's
the very best time of year to be single and here are the reasons why.Bloody mad datesDecember is the best month for dating. Firstly,
there's a slightly Armageddon feeling about packing everything in before the year is over.
People become obsessed with seeing each other or catching up "before Christmas" as if none
of us are going to wake up on January 1st. Go to a club the Saturday night before
Christmas and the stench of musk and pheromones is dizzying. They're all there to squeeze
in one final hot fling before they get on a train to the arseendofnowhere-on-sea to spend
a week with their family. I call this type of fling "The Christmas Special" and I urge you
to commission one of your own this year. The mawkishness of Christmas also
washes all of December in fairy-lit romance, making very ordinary
dates feel really very magical . A few years ago I went on a date with a man who asked
me to meet him under a giant Christmas tree in Covent Garden at the stroke of midnight. If
a guy tried to pull this sort of charade off at any other time of year, I would have
thought he was a class A, card-carrying nutter, but for some reason I found the whole
thing enchanting, like we would be transported to the land of the sugar plum fairies. We
weren't in the end, we just had a few beers, but it was good fun nonetheless. Not having to hang out with your partner's mates on New Year’s EveNew
Year's Eve is terrible. Always will be. Terrifically expensive, and so often
disappointing. They're particularly bad if you're in a relationship and forced to spend it
with your partner and all their friends. No matter how nice they are, they're just not
your mates and come midnight, you'll wish you were with your best friend, throwing each
other around a bit and singing Auld Lang Syne. Single New Year's Eves
with single friends are the best it's going to get. There's a fantastic camaraderie
between you all -- that no matter how terrible the evening gets, you're in it together.
You're going to tackle this dreadful night (and the following year) head-on,
side-by-side.
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| | 5 Easy Ways To Make Your Girlfriend Happy November 28, 2013 01:00 pmThis was originally published on GalTime , our female friends who occasionally give us
some much-needed tips. In this case, they trusted one of us (a man) to show the rest of us
how it's done. Robert Manni is President of BrandEnable LLC, a marketing
consultancy in New York City, and author of the novel The
Guys’ Guys Guide To Love. Women are easy to please.
What? I know, it’s not often we think that way but it’s true and,
trust me, I’ve learned the hard way. Like most men, I used to view women as
beautiful, exotic creatures that are unpredictable and impossible to figure out. I
wasn’t doing the math. When guys don’t address the basics ,
women get complicated quickly. It’s all about the layers. Here are five simple ways
for men to help keep their partners happy and their relationships on course, Guy’s
Guy style. Share them, ladies, and you might see a change for the better. 1.
Clean Up Your Act – Regardless of how tidy a woman may or may not be, she’s
delighted when a man keeps his home, car, clothes and body squeaky clean and smelling
good. Special attention is required for the refrigerator, sink, and especially the
bathroom. She’ll notice. Keeping clean is a positive way to live and it will help
guys score a check plus on the first
date and beyond. It may also up his chances at her wanting to see if his sheets are
clean, also. Once into a relationship, guys need to set the bar high. That means cleaning
up around the house, taking out the garbage and vacuuming etc. It’s got to be done
anyway and she’ll notice. 2. Be Proactive – If a woman has to keep
drilling a guy about doing every little thing that’s expected, he’ll remain in
her doghouse. It’s critical for men to take care of things on their own without
having to be asked a million times. No one wants to be a nag, but she’ll seem like
one if he doesn’t think ahead. Want to avoid “the talk”? Anticipate a
woman’s needs and address them. Surprise her with flowers , reservations at a restaurant she’s
mentioned, cook her a tasty meal, order tickets for that play she wanted to see, etc. It
all comes down to…
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| | Does She Want You To Bring Something Extra To The Bedroom? November 24, 2013 01:00 pmOne of the greatest things about being in a relationship is getting into that groove of
sex where you are totally immersed in each other's pleasure. Sex is the No. 1 thing on the
menu and both parties just want to do it all the time. It's a kind of honeymoon period
and, depending on how you treat it, it can last a very long time. It's also the best time
to explore your fantasies and test your boundaries, so we've compiled a list of our
favorite couples' toys to enhance your sex life with your partner. Some nights call for
toys, some don't -- but when they do, we want you and your girl to experience the best of
the best for your play. Enjoy!We-Vibe 4 This horseshoe shaped couples' vibrator is the latest version of the We-Vibe (a
product we have always trusted.) This redesign basically ups the intensity and control,
while featuring a much sleeker fit. The We-Vibe is worn by her, but you get to enjoy the
benefits too, as it stimulates her G-spot and clit. Plus, there are now three vibration
modes -- low, medium and high-speed -- so switch it up and have some fun. %displayPrice% at %seller% LeLo IDA
Couples Massager LeLo products never disappoint, especially with
the ingenuity and simplicity of their design work, but the IDA is the first couples'
massager from LeLo that rotates and vibrates while you and your partner are doing the
same. Shaped to fit inside of her while you're there too, this toy stimulates all over
without getting in the way. It’s remote-controlled, with eight stimulation modes
(six standard, two motion-sensitive), 100% waterproof, rechargeable and made of silicone.
Pretty classic. %displayPrice% at %seller% Jimmy Jane Original Afterglow Massage Oil Candle Remember when
pouring hot wax on your skin would sting and then crust up? Yeah, we do too, but
apparently, Jimmy Jane has found a way around that. The Original Afterglow Massage Oil
Candle is a candle made from botanicals that melts down into an oil ready for massage and
moisturizing. It comes in three scents meant to stimulate different senses (scent is
strongly related to mood, after all). The oil is body-heat activated, so even though it
seems like pouring hot wax straight from the wick to your partner’s skin could be
slightly BDSM, with this candle, it isn't. Very cool product.%displayPrice% at %seller%
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| | Wait. Your Parents Are Doing What Now? November 23, 2013 01:00 pmIt’s one of the most predictable commercials on television. A gorgeous, sexy
white-haired couple is walking along a beach at sunset, everything serene and quiet but
for the sound of the waves and the yapping of grandchildren. Sometimes the commercial is
for a pension plan, sometimes for Viagra , but always
it’s for grandparents: beautiful people who live for their grandkids.
“Grandparents” has become one of those words, like “America” or
“bipartisanship,” that's designed to jerk tears from the meanest banker. But having done extensive research on the current generation of grandparents,
I’m here to say: It’s true about the beach. It’s just not true that
they're there with the grandchildren. Today’s grandparents are mostly off partying
like crazy instead of doing anything to deserve their cuddly teddy-bear image. The number of grandparents has been multiplying like rabbits lately. According to a
MetLife analysis of census data, there are 65 million of them in the U.S. today, or 25
million more than in 1980. Rather than wizened stick-wielding figures slumped in
armchairs, they are now more likely to be blonde cross-country skiers occasionally
dispatching texts from some distant beach. Baby boomers have always lived well
(after the “greatest generation” came the luckiest generation) and now they
are prolonging their charmed lives into old age, though that’s not a term they ever
use. Indeed, many of them refuse even to be called “Grandma,” let alone
“Granny,” preferring instead some teen-style, gang-like nickname. And most of
them are way too cool to hang out with grandchildren. With no help from
grandparents, today’s parents are forced to spend their weekends cooped up in
endless playdates with reasonably like-minded couples and their kids. At these events,
moans about absent cavorting grandparents are the norm. Indeed, in my generation,
grandparents are the only demographic category that prompts more complaints than children.
One reason is that grandparents, annoyingly, still talk a good game about
their grandkids. Probably knowing that it’s an asset in the geriatric dating game ,
they tend to go around noisily proclaiming their devotion to the offspring’s
offspring. One grandma I know announced her intention to move to her son’s city to
look after her impending grandchild full-time. However, as the birth approached she began
to rethink her plans and compromised on one long weekend full-time. Even that plan was
abandoned when the actual birth coincided with an unmissable party-house vacation. In the
end, I do believe she looked in to say hi. The irritating thing is that the
grandkids continue to adore the grandparents, even if they know each other chiefly from
two-minute Skype calls during which the grandparents furtively check dating emails. In
fact, the grandkids mostly prefer their grandparents to their actual parents. My generation left it so late to have kids that many of us probably won’t have to
deal with having grandchildren at all. However, if I am still scuttling around the world
at that age, I’ve told my kids in advance: I won’t be changing a single
grandchild’s diaper. They’re on their own.
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| | The 10 Things She Wishes You Did In Bed November 23, 2013 01:00 pmIf you think women don’t sit around fantasizing about very naughty things ,
think again. Women are experts when it comes to dreaming up the sauciest of fantasies, and
they don’t bother limiting themselves to the traditional. The top 10 female sex
fantasies cover everything from fetish to threesomes, and you may be surprised to know
that many women want to do more than just fantasize. Some women spend just as much time
hoping their men will help put their female sex fantasies into practice. Sound
interesting? Read on: we'll give you the inside scoop on the top 10 female sex fantasies,
and what she’s really daydreaming about when you least expect it.
Domination (her dominating you)
Women love a big strong man who can sweep them off their feet and carry them into the
sunset -- but you may be surprised to learn that one of the top female sex fantasies is to
have that same big strong man begging for sexual release in the bedroom. One of the top 10
female fantasies involves tying you down to a bed while she forces you to pleasure her with your
tongue ; the entire scenario revolves around you worshipping her body and begging for
her attention. Why? She gets to be in control while enjoying total devotion from her man
in the process. What more could she want?
Number 9
Domination (you dominating her)
The advent of the metrosexual is most commonly blamed for this top 10 female sex fantasy.
It seems that modern, independent women actually prefer real men who aren’t afraid
to embrace their testosterone. This woman fantasizes about you pinning her down, thrusting
her thighs apart with your knee and penetrating her as savagely as you possibly can. She
wants to feel your
fingers snake through her hair and pull her head back; she wants to feel your teeth on
her shoulder; she wants to be owned -- if only while in the bedroom (after which,
she’ll want a clear return to equality). This win-win female sex fantasy scenario
allows her to fully indulge her femininity, while still espousing the merits of
feminism.
Number 8
Teacher/student
You’ll be thrilled to know that the Britney Spears fantasy
isn’t just for men: Women love the idea of dressing up like a schoolgirl and
parading about for your viewing pleasure. Many would even like to take it a step further,
playing the naughty tart who won’t stop teasing you until you pull her over your
knee and give her the spanking she craves. That’s right: Loads and loads of grown
women fantasize about getting a proper spanking from their man. A spanking from you is
exciting for two reasons: not only does this mild show of dominance hurt so good, but it
also usually leads straight into hot, hot sex. There are a few more role
playing female sex fantasies you definitely don't want to miss...
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| | Revealed: The Worst Cities For Onlin
00001641
e Dating November 23, 2013 01:00 pmWhether you're happily single or frustratedly single, there is one question all single
guys ask themselves at some point: Why am I single? There are countless reasons (fear,
insecurity, not knowing how to approach women), and in our attempts to navigate through
the fog we've undoubtedly tried online
dating (or at least considered it). The results have varied, and now there's some
interesting data that looks at the satisfaction of online daters in relation to the city
they live in.
A study by dating website WhatsYourPrice.com revealed the worst cities for online dating. It
polled 1,000 singles from U.S. cities with populations over 5,000 people and considered
things like number of new messages per week and wait times for message responses to
measure satisfaction. Drumroll, please: According to their results, the worst city for
online dating is St. Louis, Mo.
St. Louis was followed on the list by Washington, D.C., Columbus, Ohio, Scottsdale,
Ariz., Philadelphia, Pa., Milwaukee, Wis., Newark, N.J., San Bernardino, Calif., San
Antonio, Texas, and Saint Paul, Minn.
The study in and of itself is interesting. It sort of begs the question: "What would my
(online) dating life look like if I lived in another city?"
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| | How Soon Is Too Soon To Give Up Chasing A Girl? November 15, 2013 01:00 pmIn my other line of work, I get questions from women constantly to the effect of,
“How can I make this guy like me?” You might be thinking “Well, gosh,
that’s dumb. Obviously you can’t ‘make’ someone like you any more
than you can ‘make’ yourself into an NFL player.” If you think about it,
though, it makes a little sense from their perspective. It’s typically the women who
get pursued. They’re “liked” by the guys, and it’s up to them to
accept or decline their advances. When the opposite happens, it’s understandable
that they don’t know what to do. For a lot of women, it’s uncharted territory,
and even for the ones who find it happening often, there’s not a lot of useful
advice out there for them (mostly because in that situation, there’s no advice to be
given, period). What’s funnier is that men have their own version of the
same thing, only phrased differently. As men, we tend to come at it from the other angle
and ask, “How
do I know when to back off? ” In a way, it’s even less sensible than the
female version. The women are at least being proactive and looking for a course of action
they can take to make things turn out in their favor. On the other hand, men are basically
asking at what precise point their pursuit becomes a waste of time, as though time spent
courting a woman that doesn’t end in sex is an objective “waste.” We ask this question because we see our interactions with women as a linear
process. Once we meet a woman we like, we expect that the more we “give,” the
more we “get.” We show interest, she reciprocates. We spend resources on her,
including time and money, and we expect further commitment and intimacy. We spend even
further resources and finally make the overture of engagement, and we expect acceptance.
When it works out that way, all is right with the world. We invest both physically and
emotionally, and we get a return on it. Even when relationships
don’t work out , it’s a case of one or both parties recognizing what they
see as a bad investment. What baffles men is when things never get off the
ground to start with. They’ll usually meet a woman, develop a small rapport, and
then go about the courtship process. The problem is, they get stonewalled. The woman might
find them pleasant enough as an acquaintance, but isn’t interested in dating.
That’s when as men we’ll start to pour it in thicker and thicker. We’re
conditioned to believe that investment equals rewards, so we figure that if we’re
not getting enough output, we just need more input. That’s why you’ll see guys
ask the same woman out time and time again, or lavish gifts on a woman who’s never
so much as agreed to a date. They’ll keep going until they reach what they believe
to be her threshold for “caving in,” not realizing that a woman’s
acceptance of your investment is entirely contingent on her own investment in you.
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| | Are You Emb
00004000
arrassed By Your Turn-Ons? November 15, 2013 01:00 pmLoose Vagina?Dear Doc Chaves,I’m a girl, but I
hope I can still write too. My boyfriend keeps saying I have a loose vagina and
that’s why he can’t cum or sometimes not stay
hard . Is that true? Is it me? We love the female questions at AskMen
too, and thanks for reaching out. Yes, there is such a thing as having a tighter or looser
vagina. However, it could also be sexual anxiety and performance anxiety
your boyfriend is experiencing. It's difficult to say unless a thorough sex history is
taken. It's possible, and likely, that his delayed ejaculation and erection difficulties
are associated with anxiety. Other contributing factors can be relationship problems,
insecurities, condom use desensitization, and stress. Far too often I've seen
male clients have performance anxiety that skyrockets during penetration, affecting
erection or inhibiting orgasm. Yet the same man is able to relax and enjoy orgasm with an
erect penis during fellatio (oral), hand jobs or masturbation. My guess is the anxiety is
the issue, not your vagina. But if you’d like to work on vaginal tightness, a
natural way to do this is through Kegel exercises. I don't want to suggest or reinforce
that you are the problem, but it's good for us to work on the things we have control over
in relationships. Plus, Kegels are great
for orgasm, incontinence and sexual health in general. I also encourage you to
consider seeking a qualified sex therapist to help work on your mutual sexual concerns.
Generally, sex therapy is more effective when issues are dealt with sooner rather than
later. Here are two websites where prospective clients can seek psychotherapy
professionals in their area: Psychology Today and American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and
Therapists . Humiliation PlayDear Doc,I
have a small penis and have been self-conscious about it most of my life. It has affected
me greatly with sex and dating. Recently, I got naked for the first time with a girl that
I have been dating. I told her that I didn’t have a big penis right beforehand, I
guess to prepare her, and she answered, “Well, let’s see if that little dick
fits all the way down my throat.” It was so cool. I got so turned on, I immediately
got hard. She noticed too and ever since then, I’ve been getting really excited and
hard when she makes other comments about my penis
size . The worse the comment is, the better. Why is this? I used to be so ashamed --
but now I’m turned on. SPH, or small penis humiliation, is a form
of degradation play that uses eroticized shame for arousal. We often think of shame as a
bad or negative feeling, but shame can have many different faces and elicit different
responses within the body. For men, penis size is a touchy subject, and one filled with
challenges to masculinity and confidence. In your case, SPH appears to
empower. In certain contexts, especially in trusted, safe, secure environments,
humiliation play that uses eroticized feelings can be incredibly arousing. Some use erotic
shame as a way to empower themselves and challenge feelings of inadequacy. Penis size is
one of those male sexuality topics where many feel powerless and insecure. SPH is a way to
psychologically turn the tables from fear and insecurity to power and control. For those
who are able to eroticize shame in this manner, it can be a wonderful addition to their
sexual psyche. There is also an element of partner acceptance, which may add
to your arousal. You told her something incredibly personal, filled with anxieties and
fears of judgment or embarrassment. She learned one of your deepest, darkest secrets and
she accepted you for who you are. When we think of inadequacy, it’s often rooted in
lack of self-acceptance. My guess is her sexualization and eroticization of your penis has
also helped you become more confident and accepting of your own body image and penis size.
SPH may not be for everyone, but it sounds like it’s for you.
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| | Good Things Come In Small Packages November 14, 2013 01:00 pmYou know how people always say, “it’s the little things that count”?
Well, it’s true. Which is why stocking stuffers should not be overlooked. With the
help of our Holiday Gift Guides , you may have gotten the
women in your life jewelry, tablets, cameras, and other show stopping gifts, but
you’re not out of the woods yet. Those little stockings that she slaved over and
hung perfectly on the mantle are meant to be filled – and not with feet. While these tricky gifts have to fit in that tiny felt slipper and not outshine the Christmas gifts for your girlfriend under the tree,
they still have to impress. To help you stuff her stockings without breaking bank or
letting her down, we’ve picked out twenty gifts that are sure to please. In fact,
some of them are so good, you might not have to get her anything else – but
that’s probably not a good idea. Alex and Ani Bracelet Initial
Charm BraceletThese Alex and Ani charm
bracelets are huge among women right now. Whether she’s new to the trend or has
already jumped on the bandwagon, these charm bracelets make perfect stocking stuffers
because they are simple, small and stackable. The “initial” charm is the
perfect one to start off her collection or to add to an existing stack of bracelets. The
simple look of the recycled brass bangle will be a hit with any woman, while the dangling
gold tone charm will add the perfect amount of customization to show her that she’s
special to you.%displayPrice%at %seller% Marc
Jacobs Rollerball Perfume SetSome women have a signature scent, others are a
little more indecisive. Give the girlfriend or wife who changes her mind often this Limited Edition set of Marc Jacobs rollerball
perfumes , featuring three of the designer’s most popular fragrances. Now she can
pick and choose her scent depending on her mood, outfit or activity. Let’s just hope
she doesn’t change her mind about you. %displayPrice%at
%seller% Primitives by Kathy Cupcake Mason Jar CandleWomen love candles – why wouldn’t they? They fill the room with
delicious scents and set the mood with the simple strike of a match. She will especially
love this stylish candle that comes in
a mason jar with a loving message written in chalk-art on the front. The scent of cupcakes
will sweeten her up every time she lights it and, if you’re lucky, it might even
inspire her to bake you some real ones. This is a great little gift for your mom or your
girlfriend.%displayPrice%at %seller% Betsey Johnson WatchAdd a little bling to her wrist with this flashy Betsey Johnson watch . A great stocking stuffer for any
woman, this watch adds just enough glam, while remaining a practical everyday accessory.
This rose gold toned timepiece features a crystal bezel that will make her sparkle even
more than she already does; the shimmery heart on the face of the watch will remind her of
how much you love her.%displayPrice%at %seller%
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| | Revealed: The 49 Men Your Girlfriend Judges You By November 13, 2013 01:00 pm
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| | Revealed: How Many Calories You Actually
00004000
Burn In The Bedroom November 09, 2013 01:00 pmEvery lifestyle publication has, at some point, published an article about sex as exercise
(the term "sexercise" speaks to how popular that concept has become in our culture). It's
a fun proposition to justify sex, and more of it, as being beneficial to our health, but
exactly how many calories are we burning between the sheets? According to this article on CNN , 30 minutes of sex burns between 85
to 100 calories. Well, guys, that sucks. A simple Google search reveals that there are
about 105 calories in a banana. So, if all you burned off was part of your breakfast,
that's pretty disappointing. To make matters worse, according to a study conducted by the
New England Journal of Medicine, the average time sex lasts is six minutes (mmk,
what?), which means you've only burned off one-fifth of that banana. The
article suggests ways to optimize sexercise, like integrating yoga poses into your sex
routine, but, come on -- no one's going to do that on a regular basis. So all of this is
to say: Sex is great, but it's not to be taken seriously as a means of burning calories.
Now we have the numbers to back it up.
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| | 7 Kinky Things She Loves But Won't Tell You November 08, 2013 01:00 pmHim: Nothing? Her: No. Nothing. Him: How come? I touched
it like you told me to. Her: Well, what if you, um, bit it a little?
Him: You mean like this…? Her: Ouch! Cut it out! Let’s
just forget about it. Hit a sexual slump? Don’t worry, it happens. It
doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, per se; it just means that you
probably need to break out of your stale sex routine . Most women need more than a
“wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am” approach to sex. They need excitement,
passion, heat, and… kink? Some women, however, may be unsure how to approach the
subject simply because “nice” girls aren’t supposed to like dirty sex . However, you’d be surprised
how many of them do. Next time the two of you are lying in bed and
you’re contemplating whether or not to fake a headache, try asking her if she might
like “something different.” Here are seven kinky things your gal might be
fantasizing about, but is probably too shy to tell you. 1- Masturbation
Masturbation is a healthy part of life, so why not share it with your partner? If
you’re not too shy, put your guard down and let her watch as you get acquainted with
yourself. The whole voyeurism element has a certain mystique that might appeal to her. The
big perk for you is that after she watches you please yourself, she might get a few new
ideas or tips on how she can improve the way she pleases you. 2- Anal sex
Anal sex is a century-old position, but it tends to have a negative stigma attached
to it. This might be why some couples have yet to venture into this unknown territory, and
why some women might be a little shy when it comes to suggesting it. You can start slowly
by spooning -- the position in which you both lie on your sides, so that her back is
facing you. This is a very slow and intimate way of starting, and it's crucial to making anal pleasurable for her. Once
you’ve mastered this, you can graduate to full-fledged, passionate anal sex (you
know, the kind you see in movies). 3- S&M; Is she a control
freak? Then maybe she’d like to try a little S&M.; This is the practice by which
you become submissive and let her boss you around with a few props, such as whips and
handcuffs. It might get a little painful at times, so before the hot wax and
nipple-pinching ritual begins, make sure you’ve established a code word, like
“zebra” or "red light,” so she knows when to stop the action. You
may be wondering, “What’s in it for me?” Well, you get to help her live
out a lifelong fantasy, and you make her feel happy and secure in your relationship in the
process. Plus, you get to see her in a hot leather outfit. Four more kinky
things she loves but won't tell you after the jump...
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| | What To Get Your Girlfriend For The Holidays November 08, 2013 01:00 pmThe time of year has once again come when men must open their hearts and wallets to
express how much they love and care for their significant others. Whether you like it or
not, you need to get your girl something, and, lucky for you, we've gone and done the
legwork to find a range of gifts that will satisfy even the most fickle of femmes.But what if you've only been dating for two weeks -- should you get her jewelry?
And if you've been together for over a year, how much money is enough to show her you love
her?All these questions will soon be answered, as we took the liberty of
compiling a list of gifts for different stages in
a relationship .
1-3 months
Flappers and Philosophers by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Dating an aesthete with beauty and brains? This Penguin Classics black and
gold Art Deco-inspired hardcover of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s short stories will win you
points for both substance and style. $16.85 from Amazon.com .
La Dolce Vita Collector's Edition DVD
If dissecting the finer points of auteur cinema brings you two together,
what better way to inspire some Roman-style hedonism than with Federico Fellini’s
1960 classic La Dolce Vita? $28.78. Buy it here.
Mast Brothers Chocolate
With decadent flavors like fleur de sel, vanilla and smoke all wrapped up in art-paper
prints straight out of a Wes Anderson set, these handmade dark chocolate bars will surely satisfy your gourmand girl. Five assorted bars, $40 at Mast Brothers .
Veuve Clicquot Champagne
Simple, classic and, if you’re lucky, she’ll be willing to share. Bring some
fancy glasses, get that fireplace going and dial up the winter romance with
some elegant bubbly. $41.99. Get it here .
4-6 months
NARS Monoi Body Glow II
If you haven’t already whisked her off to an island paradise ,
Nars’ heavenly scented flower-filled Tahitian body oil will still leave her skin
soft and glowing. Grab some candles and run a bath -- she’ll likely need an extra
set of hands for those hard-to-reach places. $59. Buy it here .
Riedel O For Two Cabernet Wine Set
Any woman with a bit of sophistication knows how to enjoy her fine wine. This five-piece
decanter and wine tumbler set will surely be appreciated at your next double-date dinner
party and even more when you open that second bottle for two. $99. Buy it here .
Tom Ford Black Orchid
Sophistication in a bottle. With notes of black gardenia, jasmine and incense, Tom
Ford’s new classic will look just as good on her dresser as it will smell on her
already alluring skin. Perfectly paired with a little black dress and dimly lit hotel bar . $120. Get it here .
J. Crew Isabel Cashmere Sweater
Italian Cashmere? Yes, please. This navy pullover sweater will luxuriously swath even the
most low-key of ladies. Perfect for her to relax in when you bring her that first morning
coffee. $250. Net-a-porter.com
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| | 20 Signs You're
00004000
Not Over Your Ex November 06, 2013 01:00 pm
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| | Put On A Condom In Under 4 Seconds November 05, 2013 01:00 pmIf you’ve ever had a moment like this , Pronto condoms
may be the answer to your sexual prayers. The condoms, designed by Willem
van Rensburg, and originally released in South Africa to prevent the spread of HIV, boast
an application time of less than four seconds. A BBC article
reported that after looking into the research on the AIDS problem in South Africa, van
Rensburg concluded that many people were not using condoms largely because they found them
difficult to use: “People find it's a passion-killer and they're willing to take
their chances." The condom is designed with a plastic applicator that
allows you to roll it on without touching the latex itself and the packaging has a
corrugated seam that you crack open while holding onto either side of the plastic
applicator. Not only is the speed a boon to the promotion of safe sex, the applicator also
ensures that the condom is on properly, which can be a devastating cause of STIs for many.
What more could you really ask for? If you lose the mood in the time it takes to get up
and flick the light switch, there may be other
factors to blame than finicky condom application. However, perhaps the
rising rates of low-condom use are not just due to what some perceive as the
“bother” of putting on a condom. At the end of the day, having sex with a
condom feels like having sex with a condom. As Seth Rogen’s
character in Knocked Up says when Katherine Heigl claims she thought he had a
condom: “Did you think it was the thinnest condom on earth I had on? You think I'm
an inventor? ‘He created a dick-skin condom, he hollowed out a penis and put it
on,’ what the fuck?” For some, the answer to the myth of the dick-skin condom
is the many brands of super-thin Japanese condoms available by mail order . It’s not
quite a hollowed-out penis, but on second thought, maybe that's a good thing. Whatever your preferred condom style, whether it be speedy application or super-thin
latex, nothing should be a big enough obstacle that it means forgoing safe sex. Even if it
does mean you pull a Costanza now and again.
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| | How Your Facebook Friends Affect Your Relationship November 01, 2013 01:00 pmFacebook data is a goldmine of revelations into the structure and functioning of our
social lives. The latest Facebook -related
discovery offers potential answers to two great relationship questions: Should you date within your friend group? And can you tell if
your relationship is destined to fail? A
study published recently has introduced an algorithm that can predict an
individual’s significant other based on the mutual friends they share on Facebook.
The algorithm measures “dispersion,” the extent to which two people’s
mutual friends are connected to one another. In a study of 1.3
million people, using dispersion to predict an individual’s partner performed best
on the networks of married U.S. males, accurately predicting their spouse 76.9% of the
time.Interestingly, the study, a collaborative effort between Jon Kleinberg, a
computer scientist at Cornell University, and Lars Backstrom, a senior engineer at
Facebook, came to the conclusion that couples with mutual friends who were widely
dispersed over an array of social settings were more likely to stay together than those
with mutual friends in just one social setting. The study refers to the former structure
of mutual friends as “dispersed” and the latter as “embedded.”Here is an example of dispersion: Let’s say you're a lawyer who plays
softball and is involved in theatre. Your partner may know a colleague from your work, a
player from your softball team, and one of the actors from your theatre company, but your
friends likely do not know each other. Those shared friends would be an example of highly
dispersed mutual friends. Whereas, if you and your partner happen to be co-workers and
share friends within the office who all know one another, those friends would be embedded
mutual friends. The second type of scenario is the type of relationship the study found
tends to fail more often.The research found that, over a 60-day period,
couples who had declared that they were “in a relationship” on
Facebook were more likely to break up if the structure of their mutual friends
exhibited “embeddedness” rather than “dispersion.”At
first glance, this study seems to support the “don’t date within your friend
group” doctrine. However, embeddedness and dispersion are not mutually exclusive.
Using the example mentioned earlier, it’s possible that you and your partner are
co-workers and share many “embedded” mutual friends in one network, but also
share “highly dispersed” mutual friends elsewhere. The findings do not condemn
dating within a friend group, but rather support maintaining a varied social background
while in a relationship. It's a modern framing of the classic directive: “Keep your
independence.” Not only is maintaining a varied social background likely
to make you a more independent and well-rounded person, it also enriches your
partner’s social life by offering them a bridge to an assortment of diverse social
networks. They, in turn, become a bridge themselves between those social worlds. The key
here is to mix 'n' match. It’s when the relationship is rooted in one
indistinguishable blob of mutual friends that it is 50% more likely to fail, the study
says.So: Date your friends, date your co-workers and date your entire softball
team! But make sure that if things go sour, you have plenty of other social safe havens to
run to.
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